The Right Time Never Comes

Why waiting for life to calm down is one of the easiest ways to miss it

For the last few weeks, I’ve been telling myself that life will calm down soon.

We’re preparing for a baby, which turns out to involve so many appointments, classes, lists, conversations and small plastic objects than I expected. I’m trying to be present with my wife through all of it. I’m going to doctor’s appointments, learning about car seats, comparing bassinets and pretending I understand the difference between various kinds of bottles.

At the same time, I’m building a new business.

That means writing articles, recruiting, meeting potential investors, talking to partners, reviewing contracts, recording a podcast and answering so many damn emails. Somewhere in there, I’m also trying to teach, meditate, exercise, sleep and remain a kind.

I keep thinking that once we get through the next few months, things will become easier.

Then I remember I’ve been saying some version of that for most of my adult life.

Once I finish this project, earn more money, move houses, wait till the business is stable….

Once the baby arrives.

Then I’ll have time to write. Then I’ll return to my practice. Then I’ll feel more present. Then life will properly begin.

The right time is always just ahead of us.

We imagine a future version of ourselves who is less tired, less distracted and somehow better organised. This person wakes early, answers emails efficiently, meditates every day and has enough emotional energy left to listen properly at dinner.

I have been waiting for him for years. He appears occasionally, usually on holiday.

It’s a persuasive idea because sometimes circumstances really do improve. A difficult project ends. A debt gets paid. A child begins sleeping through the night. There are periods when life becomes quieter. But quiet periods don’t remain quiet.

Something else appears.